He doesn't need a scorecard...

I'm in an ugly situation.  I don't even know how to write how I feel.  How do you spell eww-bleghhh-ughhhhh?

I'm sad.  Really sad.  My heart hurts over the way I was treated today.  I needed advice.  I didn't want to call mom, she worries.

Satan began to fill my head with lies when I thought to call my friend.  "You haven't talked to her in a while and now you're going to call her crying?  She's going to be annoyed, she's probably busy out with the bus ministry, those people need her more than you anyway."

I called Geri Hejl. 

God:1  Satan: 0

She didn't go on the bus.  She wasn't feeling well and felt it would be okay to stay home tonight.

God: 2  Satan: 0

So I cried, I vented, I wept, I confessed I was terrified and worried.  I sighed and blew snot.  All the ugliness.  She listened.  She loved.  She gave me sound, biblical advice.  And she shared His holy word.  His promise of protection and comfort.

God: 3  Satan: 0

Matthew 10:28

"Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."

"You are going with the Lord in this Margaret.  You are the majority." she said.

I found comfort in Psalm 56 as well,

"Be gracious to me O God, for man has trampled upon me;

Fighting all day long he oppresses me.

My foes have trampled upon me all day long.

For they are many who fight proudly against me.

When I am afraid,

I will put my trust in You.

In God, whose word I praise,

In God I have put my trust;

I shall not be afraid.

What can mere man do to me?

All day long they distort my words;

All their thoughts are against me for evil.

They attack, they lurk,

They watch my steps,

As they have waited to take my life."

God: ...Do we really need to keep score anymore?

My life is not at risk but what is going on is absolute injustice.  

We prayed for my situation.  Then the hardest prayer.  The prayer for my enemy who has created this ugliness.  That was tough.

I am going in with the Lord.  God is now here and He will be there tomorrow...

Single

So, I was trying to fall asleep the other night.  I was unsuccessful.

I believe God likes to keep me awake to chat with me every once in a while, He was in the mood for a talk so we chatted about me feeling sorry for myself about being single.

Let me preface this.  

Almost everyone at work is on the lookout for a date for me.  Not because I asked them to.  One met a guy at an auto parts store, got the guy's number and wants me to call him.  Not gonna happen.  My boss wants me to go out for a drink with her nephew.  Seriously?  Another one said I should look into "It's Just Lunch."  It's just what?!

Here's the typical conversation:

Co-worker: "Mags you are so cute (or funny, smart, nice, sweet,etc.) do you have a boyfriend?"

Me: Thinking here we go.  "Nope."

Co-worker: "Really?!?!"

And then it's a round of 20 questions about what I'm looking for and an evaluation of my likes and dislikes.  

Even my church peeps are in on it.  Denise Petek may never play matchmaker in my life again.  The guy she set me up with made the comment that "short term mission trips are more like vacations" knowing I just came back from a week in El Salvador.  Deal breaker.  Dan Anthony wants a $50 Chipotle gift card if he gets me a date.  And sweet little Alice Gawel prays everyday for my left ring finger.

What really topped it off though, the cou de gra of comments was one I received recently.  "You are so pretty and have such a great personality, I don't understand why guys aren't knocking down your door."  Bleh.  What do you say?

Needless to say I started to have a pity party for myself.  The low point of my party was when I received my latest AT&T bill.  Yeah, I came home from a long day and there she was in her big square envelope, looking all innocent with her orange trim.  As I was reading her monthly assessments I quickly noticed a mistake.  An $88.71 mistake.  Normally I would sit down, read it over a couple times and perhaps even call customer service and hash it out.  But it was my pity party.  And no pity party is complete without a good cry.  Yep, I cried.  A good old-fashioned, woe-is-me-I-hate-being-single-and-having-to-deal-with-all-this-by-myself kind of cry.  Now I do have to defend myself here for uno momento.  This was also during a timeframe when I was looking to buy a new car.  So all this money stuff is floating around in my subconscious.

So I have my pity party and  try to keep it moving.

Until I can't fall asleep because Senor wants to have a chat.

What I realized from our conversation is that the term single is what I'm having an issue with.  Married people aren't referred to as "double".  The semantics are bothering me.

 If you look up the word "single" in the dictionary, the first definition given states "only one, not one of several."  That is not me.  Not the definition of Margaret.  I am definitely "one of several."  I am not alone.  I am not single.

I have a tremendous family unit.  My family is incredibly close and supportive.  I have a great group of friends and an incredible church family.  I am not single.

I found comfort in 1 Peter 5:9 "Refuse to give in to him by standing strong in your faith.  You know your Christian family all over the world is having the same kind of suffering."

I was being pursued by evil.  He was trying to take a cheap shot and hit me where it hurts. He was dancing to my cries at my pity party.  But before his celebration could continue,  my God showed up and booted him away with His words of love and promise.  

I may technically be "single" but I am assuredly "one of several."