5:15am

I love my tat.  He's just the sweetest, most caring...

We're just hanging out.  He was just checking out my new MacBook making sure I had the proper security, firewalls, McAfee...blah, blah,blah.

As we were sitting, waiting for my computer to load I noticed his hands.  His Polish hands. What makes them Polish?  Well the palms are rounder like a little kids and the fingers are a bit stockier.  Looking at his hands I realized...I have his thumbs and his palms!

The other things I noticed of course were the calloused nail beds and uneven edges.  How beautiful are my dad's Polish hands?  I started to realized how hard those hands have worked for my brothers and I.  Everyday for the last 25+ years like a machine he gets up at 5:15am, washes his face, eats his oatmeal (thanks Dr. Mahlay!) and drives off to first shift at General Motors.  Dealing with English as a second language and not to mention dealing with the politics of working at a place like GM, unions and all.

Man, my dad could've bailed a long time ago.  Between my one brother's drug addiction, to another's being out of town while my dad went through chemo and from me not finishing college.  He stuck by us and got up everyday at 5:15am.

Just looking and those sweet, hard-working, Polish hands makes me feel so protected and safe.

Just go!

My mom turned 63 this Saturday. She's beautiful. (By the way, handsome little guy with her is my nephew, Jacob...love of my life!)

Anyway, typically on birthdays we cook dinner and get together. Sometimes extended family will come over for "a drink". Well, we don't drink. Not like they do. And in light of recent happenings with my oldest brother, my mom has been a touch sad lately and didn't feel like entertaining. And quite frankly, we don't drink. Not like they do.

So I talked her into going camping. We have a camper at a private campground near Pymatuning Lake. We L O V E going there in the summer. Winter...not so much because we "winterize" the house which = no running water which = going to the bathroom in the public restrooms. However, we all needed a break so we packed into the van and headed out to our summer casa.

We got there and immediately started the campfire. Crazy I know but we bundled up and my dad helped by serving us brave bearers of cold weather cinnamon apple tea. Oh yeah, we were roughing it!

The next day, mom's b-day, my sister-in-law and I ventured into town for sleds for Jacob and Jessica. We were successful at the second dollar store (Yep we're in Andover people...small town).

We pulled up to the hill and the kids went nuts down and up the hill they went! Although bundled up like Randy from "A Christmas Story" about 10 minutes into sledding boots were falling off, snow had gotten into mittens, cheeks were rosy and noses were...well you get the picture.

The best part of that whole afternoon...which absolutely trumped the campfire and tea was my mom taking one of the sleds and flying down the hill! I mean, legs in the air and howling down the hill! It was great to see her let loose and just go! It was her birthday but what a gift for me to finally see her have fun and shriek with laughter.

I've been so wound up over her because of what we have been going through with my other brother (I'll fill ya in later) it was a relief for me. And somewhat of a confirmation again that I cannot control her happiness. You have to let go and just go.

Send Me

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8

I went on my first "international" mission trip in February of this year. It was a life changing moment. I knew I was going to El Salvador when I saw pictures of the kids that my friend Geri had taken on a recent trip there. Looking at her pictures I felt stirred. I got really warm and I felt a little dizzy and started to become emotional and cry. That reaction for me was the beginning of my confirmation. Later that afternoon as I was reading Pastor Rick's blog http://cuyahogavalleychurch.blogspot.com/ I noticed he posted a video titled "Send Me" encouraging people to think and pray about serving on mission trips. After watching the video on the very afternoon I felt nudged to go to El Salvador, I felt this was God's way of swatting me upside the head and saying "I can't make it anymore obvious...you're going." There was my confirmation.

I later realized that to get to El Salvador I needed to take a plane but regardless of my fear of flying I was going. There wasn't a thing that was going to keep me from loving on those kids. God provided the finances for the cost of the trip, I had my passport, goodies for the kids, peanut butter, bible and journal. El Salvador here I come! I purposely had zero expectations for the trip. All I wanted was to work, work, work and maybe get to know a group of women from my church a little better. A tiny part of me actually was hoping not to really connect with anyone from El Salvador. Weird right? I'm just being honest. I didn't want any emotional attachments...that would make it too hard to leave after a week. I wanted to be the girl that could go in, get dirty and get the job done. I'd rest when I got back.

God had different plans for me. Yeah, their names were Linda, Chamba, Herberth, Kevin, David Jeremiah, Lizzette, Ana Gloria, Julio, Carol, Diego just to name a few.

More to come...

Tat

O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.3You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.4Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.5You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Psalm 139 ESV

So...I bought a house. Yep that's right I am a homeowner. I thank God for the financial wisdom my parents passed down to me all my life. So now at 31 (cough , cough) I have a mortgage I can comfortably afford.
Anyway, I think I sould explain the title of my blog. "Tat" means "dad" in Polish pronounced "tot". I love my tat. Very much. However we don't have the typical father-daughter relationship. He's old-school from the old-country. He show's love through provision and action. He's quiet, he works hard for us. He's mine.
We, meaning myself, brother Andy, his wife Theresa and of course my parents worked all weekend ripping down wallpaper, priming walls and painting. We worked like crazy stopping briefly to devour Thanksgiving leftovers to gain some energy to keep working. By Sunday we had accomplished painting 2 bedrooms and the living room, dining room and hallways and taking down most of the remaining wallpaper. Side note: my mom is a champ at steaming and removing wallpaper if you ever need anyone she's the woman. At 62, her fees aren't cheap though.
However, being the slightly type A personality that I am I felt the need to put a second coat on the living/dining/hallway walls. I went after work Monday night. My mom called and asked if I wanted my dad to come and help. I said "no" I could do it myself (type A) and besides tat worked all day (shameless plug for General Motors here! Buy GM keep my dad employed!).
So about 10 minutes in I got my radio going, I'm in my groove getting my paint on and here comes tat! At first I'm a little annoyed because again, type A and I feel bad that he's not at home relaxing and bothering my mom. ;) But I let him in and help me.
As we're both painting away and I'm feeling a tad awkward with Justin Timberlake singing about bringing something back from the radio I get a little love tap from God. I realize how often I don't accept help from people because "I can do it myself..." "You worked all day it's OK..." "You've done so much for me already..." But how lousy of a job we do when we do it alone. Because my dad ignored my request and came anyway a 4 hour job turned into a 1.5 hour job and it wasn't lousy! How often do we turn away God because of pride, guilt and sometimes even laziness! Yet He always comes through! He ignores our silly turn aways and gives us a hand. He knows what we need before we need it and He provides with out the "nah nah nah nah nah I told you so silly girl!"
It also reminded me of something a great guy at church, Ryan Edlind, said to me once. "Margaret you are blocking the blessings! Stop it!" Ha ha ha!
Thanks Tat!

High School

Another great moment happened last night.
Last night was "small group" night. As usual we started with the typical chitchat. "How's your week." "What's going on in school?"
Small talk at times irritates me because I like to get to the heart and point of a conversation. So after about 10 minutes of this I finally brought out my question, "Where is God in all this?" *crickets* Fortunately I have a group of girls that are quite mature in their relationship with Christ and they went with it.
2 of my girls surprised me. One let her guard down and openly cried and confessed she's been neglecting Him while another, in trying to comfort the other, disclosed some heavy stuff.
I fought the urge to talk, to put my "wisdom" 2 cents in and just sat and listened. Just let God in on this moment.
I think at times as a "youth leader" you tend to want to finish the sentence or finish the conversation for them but that's so unfair. They need to finish it. They need to love each other as Rick sometimes says, "peer to peer."
It was good for me to fade away and to just watch "where is God in all of this."

Hmmm...

Well, admittedly I read blogs. It's interesting what people put out there. I'm actually doing this as a challenge for myself. A mentor of mine recently challenged me to be more lovable. More lovable in a sense of allowing people in. What a better way then in a blog. Obviously, this will not be an open door to all that is within me.
I guess it's more like putting myself out there without any walls and letting people in. I'll blog later about the title of my blog, Spoken For.
We'll see.